The Pleasure on the Other Side

It is approaching six, maybe seven weeks since I last did resistance training. I’ve been doing some very minimal floor exercises and yoga, but at 63, I know this body needs some resistance work if I’m going to maintain my muscle mass.

This morning, I looked at myself in the mirror. I can see where the muscles in my chest have shrunk. I can see it in my legs too. It’s noticeable now, and I want to do something about it.

I literally want to take up my TRX, set it up, and get into thirty minutes of resistance training this morning with my online coach. But something in me is resisting.

You know what is resisting? It is resisting the pain, the discomfort I expect may come with it. My mind is coming up with a mirage of reasons why I should not put my body through that this morning. Yet I know I want to give my body the kind of strengthening work I’ve been missing.

I am not into steroids or drugs. I want to build strength in a way that feels right for me. And it is remarkable how easily the mind can find reasons to avoid the very thing we want to do.

That made me think about the journey of awakening: remembering, and coming into a true understanding of our identity as divine sparks of God.

That journey costs something. It costs the ego. It costs the reputations we’ve built for ourselves. It may cost us the approval of others when we step away from the collective norm of insanity and move toward a quieter pace, an inner equilibrium of self.

You lose people. You lose things. You grieve in so many different ways. But having come this far on my personal journey, I can say every tear was worth it. Every restless, sleepless night was worth it. Every loss was worth it. What looked like loss was, in many ways, a gain. The people who left chose differently.

They chose differently, like the guy in *The Matrix*. And let me remind you: if you haven’t watched *The Matrix* as a movie, as a documentary, go back and look at it. And perhaps even before *The Matrix*, look at *Dark City*. Sometimes Hollywood tells us stuff. Sometimes the darkness speaks to us. Through movies, culture, and art, it can give us a reflection of who we are—for those who have eyes to see and ears to hear.

I still don’t know whether I’m going to pick up that TRX this morning. Maybe I will. Maybe I’ll do ten more reps of a floor exercise that gives me some resistance. Maybe I’ll do some calisthenics. I had to look at myself, and when I did, I saw so many people who came to me with issues about themselves and about the world as it is today: the governance, the control, the manipulation.

They started walking the journey. Then the first losses came. They began to feel alienated and misunderstood—and some of us go back. I’ve done it. I didn’t consistently get to where I am today. And I’m sure I still have so much further to go.

So let me encourage you today as I encourage myself. There may be discomfort along the way. But there is a place beyond the pain: a pleasure we could not experience while living inside the old story, carrying that baggage, and under the influence of a lie about who we really are.

Maybe what I need this morning is not to promise myself a perfect thirty minutes. Maybe I need to set up the TRX, begin with what my coach guides me to do, and listen to my body as I go.

And perhaps that is true of awakening, too. We may not feel ready for the whole journey. We may only need to take the next honest step.

So I’m asking myself—and you: what is one small thing you know would strengthen your life, and what is the first step you can take today?

Love and blessings.